What's in a name?

What's in a Name?

Disclaimer, I consider the title of Mistress to be equal to the title of Master. In order to consolidate this Essay, I have chosen the title of Master to represent both titles.

In recent weeks I have been putting a lot of thought into the titles our leather and M/s communities use, Sir, Lady, Mistress, Master, Goddess etc. Three years ago when I ventured out and choose this lifestyle I didn't put any deep thought into my name. Actually I used a different name. As time passed, I decided to use my real name, Larry. I decided to use my real name because I didn't want hide this wonderful discovery called M/s in a scene name. I rather stand before my peers as myself. As I entered into ownership I decided to use the name Sir Larry. Why Sir Larry? Looking back, as a novice, there was no specific reason. I liked the way it sounded. I never really put much thought into the name. I gave myself a title, I ran with it, and my friends and peers accepted it.

Recently I've started to think about our titles. These titles we give ourselves do mean something. Yes, They help distinguish the hierarchy of a M/s relationship but they can also act as a ranking. The ranking is quite simple; all the common titles such as Sir, Goddess, Lady etc. seem to have the same ranking. Though the degrees within that rank can vary. Certainly there are more experienced people within those ranks who have more knowledge and have traveled further in their journey. We should look to those people for guidance and help when we encounter struggles. Lately I have started to think about the title of Master. The title Master throughout the ages has had a deeper meaning than defining a hierarchy of a relationship. The term Master has meant greatness, teacher, leader, or person of incredible knowledge. Not only does a Master have knowledge, but also a true Master has the ability to teach. I'll reference the Martial arts. A Master of Martial Arts will take on multiple roles, He or she is flawless at their craft but they are also deeply in touch with their spirit, because of this, they have an uncanny ability to teach and mentor. Not just teach but to teach with patience. Not only can they teach with patience they have a knack to make the student better than the teacher. In turn, mentoring what can become (over time and with hard work) a new Master.

The same must apply in a M/s relationship. A Master must be able to guide his or her household, A master must be able to guide their slave, a Master must be able to correct their own mistakes and admit their own mistakes. A Master must be able to embrace that they are fallible and realize there's always room for improvement. But most important a Master must be able to Master him or her self.

These thoughts occurred to me at Thunder In The Mountains 2004, specifically during one of Master Skip's classes. When Master Skip introduced himself, he stood before the audience and said, "My name is Master Skip. Yes, my parents named me Skip, but my peers have deemed me Master" That spoke volumes to me. Master Skip has gone on a quest to improve other peoples lives as well as his own. Only when he reached a certain point did his peers acknowledge him as a true mentor and teacher. I can only assume that it was only then did he accept the title of Master.

This brings me to myself. I have started to think about where I stand. I stand as a proud Owner and Sir. I am doing a good job at mentoring my slave. At times I even think about bringing another slave into my household. I have learned a lot and I been fortunate to be mentored by wonderful people. But I am far from a Master. When it comes to guiding others, my skills are getting better. When it comes to Mastering myself, I have a long way to go.

Recently there have been some situations that have come up in my household that are out of my control, for that matter they are out of my slaves control. I learned that I need to check myself a lot more. I need to stay in control and Master myself. I have a lot of work to do and I look forward to doing this work and maybe one-day I'll be perceived as a Master and teacher. Yes, I Master my slave and I Master my Household but I have not yet Mastered myself. Nor am I a Master to the community. My journey is not complete, knowledge is infinite. The journey will never be complete. I can only hope to become better with time.

It's a lot easier to stand on the out the outside and control and mentor someone else (though that's no cakewalk) than look to the inside and guide yourself through your own demons and harsh times. We don't like to confront our demons. We are often not in control of these demons. It takes extreme effort to confront, tackle, and discard our own demons. It takes courage to destroy our own demons.

I don't want people to think that everyone who calls him or herself a Master is full of shit. Quite the opposite, I'm honored to know people that call themselves Master (or have been deemed Master by their peers). These people are great leaders and teachers in our community. Time and time again these Masters I speak of have proved themselves. I even know some people who should be using title of Master and choose not to.

As we take this journey through leather and M/s, let's not take on titles that we are not prepared for. Let's earn those titles, let's gain that knowledge, and reach new heights. Then let's take that knowledge and power and teach our community, educate the vanilla community too.