The role of SM in M/s

The Role of SM in M/s

When this topic was first introduced, I thought to myself "Cool, this topic should be easy to write about." I was surprised to find that the topic was a bit more difficult than I anticipated. Probably because the role of SM in M/s can vary so much between households. So in this essay, I'll attempt to scratch a few of the surfaces that are out there.

I may not have all the sufficient data to prove this theory but I'll start out by going out on a limb. I think the role of SM in M/s has changed over the years. Although there has been much talk from the Old Guard about discovery and finding ones self through SM, I believe that over time an evolution has occurred. Sure, there's plenty of play and discovery of ones desire to be drawn to radical sex and sure there's a lot of fantastic

pick- up play in bars and dungeons. But as times become more difficult, we as a leather people start to look deeper into why we do things. Why do we play the we do? How can I get more out of what we do? How can I make play and radical sex transcend my initial expectations? How do I make this grow?

I think the answers to these questions may be found in the spirit of the game. Sure, SM is fun. Many slaves are true bottoms and many Owners are true Tops. This makes for a hot Saturday night filled with beatings, pissing, blood and fucking but what's the next step? What can you achieve from pushing boundaries? What about the slaves that are not hardcore bottoms? What if the slave would rather serve then play? What can they get out of SM? How can all this be tied together?

Trust: I believe that an essential bond can formed through SM. Being able to take your slave to a place that they would rather not be can be a great tool to build trust. A slave needs to learn to be able to let themselves go. They need to learn how to put their safety and well being in their Masters hands. Play can help facilitate this. If you have a slave that is scared of needles, blood, fire etc. and you successfully push the slave's boundaries the slave can find a new trust in their Master. This may not occur in the actual play, it quite possibly may occur in the after care. As the Master provides aftercare for the slave the slave can see that even though the scene/ SM was harsh and hard their Master was there for them. Play can be easy and fun for the top/ Master but when you enter into situations where the slave is filled with doubt and fear it's the after care that can make it all come together. As the slave is forced to face their fears it's very comforting to know that someone (their Master) is there for them. It allows the Master to be the light at the end of the tunnel. This can help build an amazing trust. For a slave to know that someone is there for them in their time of duress can be a priceless stepping stone to achieve the goals of honor and trust.

Submission: Quite often a Master may decide they want to do a scene that the slave hates. For example a slave may really dislike needles. The slave has come home from work and what's lying out on the table? All the gear for a big needle scene. The slave certainly knows what's going to happen later that night, the slave is not looking forward to it but regardless of the dislike for the scene it's a fine opportunity to deepen the slave's submission. True slaves want to submit, they want to submit to make their Masters happy and to satisfy their own need to submit. The ability to go into a scene that the slave doesn't like can really be a great opportunity to submit deeper and explore their slave heart.

The Spirit: The thoughts listed in the previous paragraphs can help build or find ones spirit. Submission and trust can be a springboard to the spirit. The ability to discover that trust and ability to submit can help to nurture a spiritual relationship between the Master and slave.

Punishment: SM can be used as negative re-enforcement or corporal punishment. Though I myself don't partake in the use of SM as punishment, many do. A flogging etc with a specific "punishment tool" can be used as correction. This is another way of utilizing S/M in M/s. Some may use SM as a training tool; others may use it as punishment. It's out there for us Masters to use. Though I do believe that this form of training or punishment needs to be exercised with great caution. A Master can be manipulated into punishment for the slaves own gain or a Master could accidentally break the bonds and trust that have been built. Punishment and SM - proceed with caution.

Fun: I have spoken about some serious areas. Here's one that's not so serious but yet essential. Fun, yes, fun. After a hard week of Mastery, slavery, and an assortment of obligations for both parties it can be a lot fun to use SM to have fun. Hence the term "play." Going out to the dungeon or playing at home and grounding each other through SM. Doing a scene that both parties can enjoy and re-center themselves can do wonders. An opportunity to once again bond, laugh and have a good time. Call it a dinner and movie with a few bruises and a glow that lasts through the weekend.

Allow me to digress;

Is SM necessary to have a successful M/S relationship? I think not. Though the two quite often go hand in hand, it's not essential. M/s can go deep in to the fiber of ones being. Mastery and submission can not be achieved through a toy. Mastery and submission can not be achieved by how well you work a toy or how much you can endure. It can be used as a tool, it can make for a fun night out but make no mistake - true Mastery and true slavery comes from the heart. No toys are needed. I would dare to say that it can take far longer to find your M/s path than it would to find your SM path. When it comes to M/s, the only true tools you need are your mind, body and soul.

So there you have it. I have attempted to scratch the surface of the role of SM in M/s. Please feel free to chime in. I look forward to seeing some posts and I look forward to seeing everyone on Sunday October 3rd.