Difficulties in M/s Relationships

Difficulties in M/s Relationships

Once again we have chosen a difficult and broad topic to tackle. There're so many avenues that can be taken with this topic. I found it hard to find a starting point. The thought that hit me first is one of the most difficult things about a Master slave relationship is actually diving into it and living it. The amount of courage it takes for all of us to step out of the box of society is extraordinary. That can be said for the Masters and slaves. It takes a lot of introspective thought and bravery to live this way. Once you realize you can live this way, you can run into a lot of social barriers. What may really throw some people for a loop is that you may find yourself running into barriers within the "traditional" SM community! Being on the outside of standard culture is one challenge but to step even further outside the norm and be on the outside of the subculture is even more of a demanding mental task. Most of us that live in a 24/7 M/s lifestyle should be considered bold and courageous. It's difficult to reach down inside and tap into those thoughts and desires of a M/s relationship. It's confusing to face prejudices from outside the scene as well as inside the scene. But the rewards of owning or being owned can far out weigh the difficulties of discovering and committing to the lifestyle.

One of the keys to a solid M/s relationship is communication. Communication is vital in a lifestyle as demanding as M/s. One of the more difficult tasks is making the necessary time to allow for this type of relationship to flourish. These relationships go so much deeper than "Go make my coffee and gas up the car." When one is to own or be owned a special bond needs to occur. This bond may possibly best be achieved through communication. Sounds easy enough. The trouble is we all have busy lives. This fast paced high pressure world of ours does not always allow us the time that is needed for discussion and communication. It's difficult to allot time to connect. It's difficult to shut down all the external noise and allow connection time. But yet it's an essential component. Call it the oil that makes the gears run smoothly.

Both Masters and slaves need to hear each other and understand each other. At times it may be very difficult for slaves to allow themselves to be heard. But again, communication is vital and without a solid foundation that includes enough quality communication, the relationship may feel undue stress.

Another difficulty that I have run into is going against the grain of everything I was taught as a child. Be independent, don't boss your wife around, don't expect people to wait on you, etc. It's taken me some time to reconcile my lifestyle with my upbringing. Though I want to (and do!) master the feeling that I'm tossing out all the values my family taught me, it's still not easy to go against the grain.

Obedience to the Master and dedication to the lifestyle vs. dedication to career and family. Especially if children are involved. Assuming the slave is allowed to have a career especially if it's a high powered one such as someone in the medical field or social work or any other, where the work does not stop when you leave the office. I can't even imagine how a slave would somehow be able to accommodate all the demands of career and Master. Granted the Master has the final say on what direction this situation can take. But at what point is career put on hold? At what point does one present to their Master their need to follow through on their career? These are difficulties that can alter a M/s relationship. Sometimes for better and sometimes for worse.

I don't have any children.. But I can imagine that another problem would be integrating the M/s lifestyle with children around. Maybe not so much when they are babies. But as the child becomes older and is able to compare different types of families and households that they encounter. When does a family explain or hide their lifestyle? After all, in schools and television there's media that gives such wonderful stories as "It's ok that baby Jane has two mommies". I have yet to come across the book or television show that's called "It's ok for Daddy to own mommy. Or my favorite title " Why mommy wears a collar."

My last thought is balance. So many of us want to get out and give to the community, learn a new play technique, etc. It can become overwhelming. Somewhere out there there's always an event, big or small. Somewhere inside there's always a desire to attend. But at some point, we (at least I) feel the need to pull back for a little while. Not because I don't love the lifestyle but because I do love the lifestyle. I find the need to ground myself in my home with my slave is equally vital as running to events and / or giving to the community. People have a tendency to burn out on too much of a good thing. Sometimes less is more. Sometimes I think you need to take all that great information you picked up at a workshop or from your peers and mentors, and go home to put it into practice. It's good to chill out, concentrate and solidify what we have worked so hard to achieve. It's difficult and perhaps not even desirable to stay away from the community at large, because you need that energy, knowledge sharing and camaraderie that only other people in the lifestyle can provide. It's not easy to create the ideal balance.

Since all of our relationships and households are different I'm sure everyone of us has our own unique difficulties and problematic situations that they have run into or are currently dealing with.. It's your turn to stand up and shout. Please feel free to shed some views and ideas online. I'm sure this will all lead to a provocative and lively conversation on Sunday May 1st. I Look very forward to seeing you all there.